The Fear of Success

A few days ago I wrote about some of the challenges and, ironically, opportunities arising from Beethoven’s loss of hearing; specifically as it impacted his spiritual life. And, as I said, the source for these thoughts was J.W.N. Sullivan’s book wonderful book of 1927, ‘Beethoven, His Spiritual Development.’

Well, what I really meant to get to, and what I got pulled away from as soon as I started writing, was how the fears arising from an attachment to selfhood can keep one in shackles in the best of circumstances, when success is there for the taking.

On many an occasion I’ve coached violinists who produce quite wonderful playing when provoked, prodded or otherwise coerced, only to fall back into their business-as-usual ways after walking out the door.

I’ve often wondered WHY THAT IS. Fact is, I’ve been guilty of it myself.

Now I think I can see things a little more clearly.

The opportunity of change, even positive change, is a challenge to the equilibrium our sense of selfhood is constantly seeking to maintain.

In effect we become bound to comfort zones of our own making.

Now, a lot of ‘new age’ thinkers talk about ‘visualizing’ yourself in the new reality you want to inhabit. And I don’t have a problem with that, other than it is likely to be wishful thinking unless backed up by something more substantive.

Real, lasting changes have to take place in long-term memory. And there is a physical transfer that must occur in the brain. We have areas in the brain for short-term memories, and other areas for long-term.

If you do not instruct the brain to remember, not by wishful thinking or saying to yourself ‘please remember this,’ but by DOING with conscious knowledge of the doing, repeatedly, no fundamental change will take place; at least not on the violin.

Today I worked quite specifically with the mechanics of my left hand. For reasons I won’t go into – injury related – I’ve been experiencing a temporary deficit in the execution of certain finger patterns.

Now that I see exactly where the solution lies – reasserting conscious control of lifting specific fingers – I’m making strong headway in rectifying matters. Mind you, these are things I haven’t had to think about this since I was 8 years old. Now, until neural networks and long-term memory are rebuilt, I do.

You know, it feels great to find solutions, and to literally feel the changes taking place as they become hard-wired into the mind. Incidentally, perhaps you notice this too, I am often aware of a pleasant sensation just inside my forehead during this work.

Yet for any of it to happen there must be a shift, from passive ‘selfhood-consciousness’, to ‘mind-linked-to-body-doing’ consciousness. And when this happens, all fears connected to self-preservation disappear like magic.

A nice bonus.

Now before I go, I’d like to mention that I have lowered the tuition rates on the monthly subscriptions to ‘Beginners Circle’ and ‘Allegro Players’ by 20% from the regular price in 2009. Even if you are currently subscribed on a monthly basis at the old rates you should see a reduction in your monthly billing from now on. Good news!

All the best, Clayton Haslop